Robert Jay Spain

bobby was when i first met him ,later on as an adult ,and even now the only one able 2 accept me or even tolerate me and always with an open heart and he never passed judgement there will never b another bobby but i'll tell u what , i think the world honestly never needed anything more ,.my memory of bobby is best described as almost beyond human and completely untouchable in comparison with anyone else and i miss just as much as i am able 2 feel his presence which amounts 2 every second of every day

sitting here in all of this gloomy rainy weather my mind keeps wondering back to a better place and time a time full of hopes and dreams a time before i really knew fear at the age of 15 when i first met bobby . when all of the other kids in the home where huddled inside gossiping amongst eachother about the 2 of us saying we where insane .we where without a care in the  world if only 4 that brief moment as we where outside togerther holding our bodies close and dancing in the rain .and that became a little tradition with us and even as adoults as we lived in the woods we danced in the rain barefoot on the muddy ground.i do miss that now as i sit under my roof looking out the window alone not going outside because i know its too cold without bobby 2 hold me close .i do have my memories

                                                                                           

BOBBY LOVED HIS MOMS BISCUITS AND  CHOCOLATE GRAVY. HE WAS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT AND I HAD NEVER HAD IT BEFORE. ONE DAY WE WHERE AT HER HOUSE AND HE ENDED UP TALKING HER INTO MAKING IT THE NEXT MORNING. WE ALL SAT DOWN TO  EAT AND IT WAS REALLY GOOD. BOBBY JUST KEPT GOING ON AND ON ABOUT THE CATHEAD BISCUITS AND GRAVY AND HOW IT WAS EXACTLY AS HE REMEMBERED IT WHEN ASKED . WHEN HE WAS FINISHED HE WENT HAPPILY OUTSIDE TO PLAY AROUND IN THE YARD. AFTER HIS EXIT PATTY LET OUT A LITTLE LAUGH AND AS I SHYLY ASKED HER WHAT WAS FUNNY SHE BEGAN TO TELL ME THAT THE BISCUITS WHERE CANNED AND THAT SHE HAD FOUND AN EASIER AND WAY LESS CALORIE WAY OF MAKING THE GRAVY THAT ACTUALY CONSISTED OF CHOCOLATE  PUDDING ALTHOUGH IT WAS HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE. THERE WAS  OBVIOUSLY WAS ONE BUT WE BOTH AGREED TO NOT TELL BOBBY IN ORDER NOT TO JEPARODISE HIS HAPPINESS AND IT WAS A SECRET I WAS ABLE TO KEEP UNTIL NOW. SORRY PATTI AND SORRY BOBBY. BUT BOBBY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU TALKED ABOUT THAT BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING AFTER AND THE ONLY MEAL IN COMPARISON TO YOU WAS HER MEATLOAF AND MASHED POTATOES WHICH I TOO AGREE THAT THEY ARE BOTH AWESOME.BOBBY YOUR FAMILY WAS ONE THAT I PERSONALLY NEVER HAD MYSELF AND LOVED BEING A PART OF. SOO GLAD THAT YOU AND I HAD SUCH A LOVE ,YOUR SISTERS LIKE MINE ,AND I HAD A CLOSENESS TO YOUR MOM THAT NOTHING COULD MATCH IN COMPARISON,THAT I NEVER WHOULD HAVE HAD IF NOT FOR YOU BABE .GOD I MISS  YOU ,I MISS THEM,AND IT HURTS SOO BADLY WHEN I  THINK ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. JUST TRYING TO FOCUS ON FUTURE  REUNION WE WILL HAVE SOMEDAY.AND MORE BISCUITS AND  CHOCOLATE GRAVY, MOMMAS NEW WAY.LOVE YOU AND TAKE CARE BYE FOR NOW AND NOT FOREVER

I remember how you always seemed to make me feel as if there was hope even when there seemed to be none in sight.I really wish you could be here to do that now cause I'm going through hell although you already know that.all that I can do now is remember all of the times in the past that you gave me hope and try to reflect on one of them.but that doesn't stop me from missing you in physical form.even when I was not with you all of those years I actually found hope in knowing that you where out there in the world somewhere also.I guess that that's what I need to be doing now because you are still here and someday we will meet again.I know that iI must sound like a broken reckord saying that all of the time but I write what I am thinking and thats what I'm always thinking about.Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts and I wonder if you think about me when you are not by my side.I feel it when you are with me and sometimes so strong that I can smell your scent and I know that that can't be from my imagination because it's too strong yet something as simple as your smell causes all the memories to flood back.I know that I was soo lucky to have had you in my life because some people never did get to experience your friendship butIi feel the luckiest to have been loved by you and to have had that soo completley and even if I had had only one day with you the experience would have been soo strong the memory would have been enough to last a life time.

I was just thinking about you today and remembering all the crazy times we had together. I miss you. When we were little, you played Bill Copperhead's sidekick in our 'wonderful' television show "Bill and Annie" I so wish we had video camera access back then. I was Annie, Jeanna played one of my babies and so did Pete and Sissy. We were so silly. You and Billy were Indiana Jones type characters. What fun we had with that. I am so glad I can share some of that time with the kids. I loved watching you sing and make fun of other songs like you always did. Shh! Shh! I love this song.... before it ever had two notes and you were always right on the money with completely crazy words that made sense together for any song that came on. i cannot hear 'I'm carrying your love with me' without singing "I'm carrying your skull with me.' Every song that says girl always says squirrel. i have actually sang 'My Squirrel" in karaoke.

 

Oh and remember that time visiting Jeanna in Clarksville that you meowed a song and continuely kept meowing till I laughed so hard I cried. You were great at making me laugh. If I am feeling down, I remember something you did and it makes me laugh. I miss how we would occasionally look at each other and just crack up laughing and both fall in the floor laughing for who knows what reason. Mom must have thought we were crazy. I love you so much and am so happy that my boys have so much of you in them. I see you when I look at Tommy. He is a little meaness too, just like Uncle Bob.

 

I have no way of understanding why the Lord took you at such a young age. I'll settle for seeing you in my dreams until the day (many, many years from now) that I join you and Daddy in Heaven. I do miss you but I am having way too much fun down here to want to join you until I am too old to have fun.

 

All my love, your big sis.

Christy